I interviewed this woman from Czech Republic living in Japan for few years, about dating with Japanese guys. She had several relationship with Japanese guys. This is as always a typical topic but I was interested since every single person has different opinion on this.
So there you go.
Having a relationship with a Japanese guy sure is different than what you’re used to.
First of all. Finding a “decent” Japanese guy as a foreigner is difficult in my opinion. Because of the lack of English, they have the tendency to be shy around foreign girls. Making them not wanting to approach themselves or simply choosing to not date a foreigner because it’s just easier that way.
I’ve noticed that I’m often situated in a strange loop where it’s always one way or another. I either find a guy who I like or feel attracted to but he doesn’t feel the same. Or it’s the other way around, where I’m not interested but he is. So I’ve ended up either frustrated because he doesn’t want me or because I don’t want him.
I’ve been speculating why this is occurring so often, but can’t seem to have a definite conclusion. Although, it may be the fact that in my western culture it seems as “just doing it for the sake of trying” is more common.
You find someone you think is interesting; if there’s a slight mutual feeling you “just try”. You just spontaneously date until there’s a reason to break up. In Japan everything seems planned, even relationships. Couples practically plan to date, and then plan to break up for no reason at all. Don’t expect spontaneity.
Even after actually finding a guy it’ll seem unlucky at times. There’s a chance he won’t treat you the way you expected or he’ll have cultural differences and altered priorities. He’ll even see you as a part of a plan, except where you’re sadly not the priority. There’s going to be work, school or even friends coming before you in a sense.
Ones again, returning to what I like to think as a western way of thinking. Where having a girlfriend as a first priority is a must. In my opinion the reason of getting a girlfriend in the first place should include the fact that the guy wants to spend time with her. It does not come that obviously for Japanese guys. He’s going to say “I have to study, so I can’t be with you”, while for me the natural thing to do is to study together.
Really, the time he’ll spend with you might feel minimal. When I asked him, “well how often do you prefer to meet?” he said, “once a week maybe”. This completely blew my mind. You’ll also notice that he isn’t sweet talking you the way you would want to. Not asking how your day at school was or what you’ve been doing. He won’t open up emotionally and won’t tell you how he feels either.
Keeping emotions and feelings at bay seems like a natural thing for Japanese men in general. It might feel like he takes you lightly, that’s how I felt just because of my expectations. So, maybe trying to understand in advance might result in a better experience.
To be fair, I’ve been attracted to Asian men or specifically Japanese men physically. Just like it seems that they desire foreign girls merely physically as well.
Therefore, merely flirting, being physical or even one night stands is easier to do.
It’s also been exciting enough, to just touch or be physical with someone I find attractive, so actively seeking for a relationship was rarely my intention, yet it’s what I sometimes ended up desiring.
Every girls has slight different experience and opinion on this topic but what I always hear is something really similar. Seems like it’s the reality and I’d like to find out the core reason.