On the topic of how to educate their own children or coaching subordinates at work in Japan, they talk mostly about “praising” and “scolding”.
Scolding, in the first place, is wrong. Admonishing them when they did something morally wrong, that’s fair but scolding is just that the scolder can’t control his own emotion by being uncultured.
Emotion is just a tool. Whether you use it or not, it’s you who decide. We could always talk about it to solve the problem. It also doesn’t mean the person without anger is coldblooded, I guess they are simply sophisticated.
Both praising and scolding doesn’t even work
As long as you are praising or scolding others even your own little children, you are looking down on them. Another worst problem is that you are actually trying to pull their strings.
When someone did a good job, telling “good job” or “well done” are considered to be a normal thing, or even a good thing in general which I always felt uncomfortable when my boss told me that for example. I’m not working for him at all, I’m just doing what I want to do for people, somehow it was just connected to my salary.
I never ever care what others including the company I work for(I don’t now) evaluating me, that’s not my task but theirs. I have absolutely nothing to do with it. In that way I’m free to do anything. At the same time, it doesn’t mean I don’t care about them.
It’s simply that you should concentrate only on your own task. Not the tasks other people give you. Doesn’t mean to be unfriendly with them.
All people, without exception, exist on a flat world. Especially Japan has one of the biggest hierarchical society and culture. Starting from their own parents, almost all Japanese kids are treated as a puppet. Not obviously but surely.
Esteem needs – that’s what we all naturally have. But if you slow down and think… Once you need others to give you praise, you are being like a pet dog and unconsciously admitting it. You could never be happy by trying hard for esteem given by others.
On the other hand, as I said, you are looking down on others(which means you are living in a vertically structured relationship) when you are giving someone a praise.
Don’t mix up with “giving praise” and “giving impressions”. Of course you can look at others and go like “wow you’re awesome!” it doesn’t mean you look down on them at all when you are purely giving your impressions.
These are some random thoughts again, it’s not structured well since it’s what came to my mind in every moment. Wish you got some hints from it.
Thank you for reading 🙂